Embrace the process. Honor the Journey.

There are times in life when you fall down, you keep getting up but you fall back down constantly and the struggles are real to get back up. But the fact that you get back up should be enough.

“Fall Down 7 times – Stand up 8.” – Japanese Proverb 

Change is NEVER easy. People can make it look easy, but we don’t know the struggles they face, we call them the BRAVE but deep down they chasing their hearts, their dreams their future with passion, tears, laughter, stress, fear, judgements, willingness and perseverance to create a future they crave and a life they love.

“Who you spend time with is who you become.”

We have goals, desires and so on. But what stops us from beginning that journey? one word, four letters: FEAR! We fear rejection, we fear change, we fear faith and many more things, we tend to give up before we even start. Time after time we hear the same bullshit excuses as to why we cannot accomplish our dreams, we become confined to our comfort zones but long for freedom.

We become volunteer victims to our own blind side, we get knocked down and that’s it, we fear getting back up.We throw our destiny into someone else hands and let them take control of our lives. We let them own us and control us, why ? because we are the ones who fear to stand back up. And I am not saying that it is not okay to quit or to give up at some point, because we all do it, but it is not okay to keep on quitting, to keep on giving up. NOPE, in order to succeed we need to learn the hard way, we need to realize that fear is an illusion, we need to remember that fear breaks us but also creates a beast, it makes you stronger and you might not realize it right away, but it does. The more we fall and stand up the stronger we become, the more we pursue our destiny and create a life we want, the more we start to enjoy the process. Yes, there will be tough times, sometimes more tough times than good times, and yes we will become fragile, we will lose hope and think why me? But the one question we should keep on asking ourselves:

WHY DID WE BEGIN IN THE FIRST PLACE? 

Are we ready to let go of it all, and start again at some point from the start? Are we ready to give it all up? Just to start all over again….

Sometimes it happens, we tend to lose sight of our goals and go completely off course. I for one know how it feels to fail, to give up and to be lazy. I have been through the stage where I done it over and over again. I lost my motivation, I lost the meaning of the process, I rejected my journey and let myself fall into the path of destruction. I thought in life we needed to party constantly to have fun, my healthy lifestyle, ppphhhffftttt why keep it up? when I had already achieved half of my goal, my first blog I created, I gave up because I became lazy, pursuing my career… nope, I rather spent that money on partying and shopping. Until one day it hit me. Is this what I wanted to make of my one life? is this what I desired the most? Is this what I am ? My answer was NO and it changed me completly, I needed that alone time, that pressure from my self, that mirror talk, I needed me to realize what I was doing. I took “ME” time to process my life. The peer pressure, the negative vibes, the party animals, the thought of having all the time in the world … was my mind shift. I was killing time, wasting it on nothing. Becoming the person who I was not, cracking under pressure and falling into a confined bubble. Sure I can save all the money, I can party all I want, I can live a habit that wastes time but does it buy back the time? No, time is not recyclable and that changed everything. My mindset shifted. I knew this time round I was bound to create the life I want…. MY LIFE.

PRESSURE BUILDS DIAMONDS BABY!!! 

You have got to push yourself today, you have got to realize that at some point you need to set your mind set  for yourself, you need to become you in ways that you scare yourself and scare your haters even more, that you become the person who inspires you and other people. You need to push yourself, to fall in love with your progress, it is the key to your happiness and greatness, to honor your journey and most importantly to become the person you want to become. Stop bitching and whining about why you are stuck in the same place, when you are doing nothing about it, stop falling down and not getting back up, stop assuming challenges are too difficult and start achieving your goals. Get rid of the negative vibes, the bullshit excuses the extra weight as to why you cannot achieve your goals, get rid of the thought that only the rich will succeed or the perfect people will make it. Just say FUCK IT, and achieve your dreams, live the one life you are given to your custom.   DREAM IT, CREATE IT and LIVE IT. You will thank yourself oneday.

BE A LEGEND. LEAVE A LEGACY. 

 

What will your legacy be?

XOXO

C.v.T

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While I’m still young…

Moments come and go in the blink of an eye, some memories last and others fade, people come and go in a flash, life begins and ends constantly…yet some people still choose to live there lives being unhappy. 

Now I get asked 1000 times or more what my plans are for life, and honestly I can’t tell you. I realized that plans don’t always go to plan, anything can happen and why spend all your life missing the little moments that make life: Life itself. 

I learnt to love myself the most, because in the end you the only person who truly has you and under all that confidence and bravery I portray is a demon fighting other wars. 

I discovered peace with the past is necessary, money can buy me happiness like a plane ticket but it can also buy the less fortunate food and clothes. Now, I won’t change for people who have tried to change me, being someone’s else’s doormat is not okay and give people what they want to see but be authentic about it, your hater will follow you like it’s there religion. 

So while I’m still young I’m choosing to live in the moment, I don’t have a 5 year plan, I’m trusting God with my journey and winging it and so far it’s been an amazing one. Labeling people is bullshit, let a person be who they want to be or love who they want to… we all bleed the same and smile the same, so for goodness sake loose the fucking labels. I’m choosing to let people go who want to leave my life, I’m still happy for them tho. I’m taking a lesson as a blessing and learning with mistakes, even if I make them 100 times. I choose to travel and see it all, to find inspiration in people’s daily lives and to simply smile at strangers. I choose to say NO and mean it, to live for the truth, gain knowledge in different parts of the world, listen to people’s stories and live a simple life. I choose to be broke when I have to be but also to hustle for the beautiful life helping the less fortunate along the way. I’m choosing to be happy, some people won’t agree with my choices or whatever they want to be, but that’s okay because I choose ME. Anything is possible if you put your mind to it, I’ve learnt to sacrifice a lot to get where I am today, but my mom deserves the world so I’m hustling to make her proud and myself proud. I’m choosing to love even the ones who are too scared to be loved, I was once in that place too, but I chose to let that person go, and I pray that they find someone whose strong enough to love them the way they deserved to be loved and fill in the missing pieces. I choose to follow my dreams and play by my rules and to challenge myself like never before, and I’m not the only one whose going through the ups and mostly downs of life, but I choose to lift my head and smile at the world. 

Lastly I choose to make a change for myself and by myself, I choose pray, hustle and slay above all. I choose ME. 

Xoxo 

CvT 

An open letter to myself…it’s okay to grieve how you need to.

The thing about being you, is the different people you become every time you travel and move. People expect you to stay the same, they expect you to go back to promises you made when you were a different you, they want your time and constantly crave your attention. But you, you are different now, you let go of the girl you once were, it’s easy to fall in and out of many relationships and friendships, you see the world and people in different ways now….and you crave other people and places all the time, Home just isn’t home for you anymore.

You miss the other countries food, but you still love the potato salad and bubblegum milkshakes back home, you can’t seem to shake the feeling that this time next week you are eating different foods again. Its exciting and draining at the same time, thinking about the move again, you crossing my mind always as I prepare to leave again. It’s starting all over from scratch, the big new city, a different language all together, a new home, meeting new people and making new friends. It’s exhausting thinking about it even, but it’s what you pursued. It’s what you have been pursuing for a while now. You dread the long flights and layovers but you won’t be alone just yet, so that still gives you a sense of peace, I mean when was the last time you spent “time alone”? You can’t even remember.

The first few weeks of being back home were a blur, two years later and I still blamed myself for not coming home to your funeral and spending three weeks at home only, after being away for so long. I know you told me to chase my dreams and follow my heart, but you were my everything. I remember getting the phone call that afternoon, I could sense something was wrong the entire day, I knew you had let go the good fight and you went home. I was emotionless, I cried but I was angry, angry at you for leaving me so soon, angry at myself for leaving too. It was so hard to accept it, I didn’t want it to be true, especially being thousands of miles away again. I remember the things you taught me, the life lessons you showed me, the paths to follow that showed me how to be a better person. And although you were tough (the real German) tough, you made me the strong independent woman I am today. You are still my biggest inspiration and pillar of strength. When asked about who the biggest role model in my life is? It’s still you Gran and it will always be you. You might have been disappointed in me for grieving like I did, but it was so hard to come to terms with, I was in denial and the only thing that numbed the pain was the alcohol. I didn’t care anymore, it changed me as a person again. I became tougher, I didn’t care who I hurt or who I was hurting in the process. I rebelled with a cause, I looked for comfort in all the wrong things, I became a party animal, I loved all the wrong things. When I realized what I was doing, I learned to accept the facts of it’s going to be extremely hard to lose someone you love when you’re thousands of miles away, you are going to grieve in ways that you need to, whether it’s asking God a million questions, screaming in an open field, finding comfort in things that are crazy or picking yourself up from the bathroom floor at 3am.

However you decide to grieve, you do it, don’t let others tell you what to think or how to react you need to find the strength on your own again. It got easier for me after I got your tattoo 2 years later, I remember the times you told me to always be me, and to never give up on my dreams and goals. I remember I made you proud no matter what stupid shit I got up to and I remember that even though you not with me in person you are always close to me. I couldn’t have thanked the people enough that were around for me at that time , they were like stars sent from above. I shut the world out, but one person crept under those walls, they will always have a special place in my heart till the end, I became reckless and didn’t care what I was doing. I needed the time to heal and I have, I am at peace with it now, I let go of the negative bullshit and started focusing on me and the positive vibes.

I accept that there are so many things in life beyond your control, take the time you need to grieve, and learn to forgive…. it lifts a huge weight off of your shoulders. Don’t care what other people think of you, its their opinion and theirs alone, and don’t let someone hold you back, ever. Go out there and create a life that you dream of, and remember some days it is okay to give up and give in, but don’t make it a regular thing.

xoxo

me

CVT

It is what it is…Learn to vibe with the good vibes and let go of the negative ones in life.

Northern Lights Alaska 2015
Northern Lights in Alaska 2015

Sometimes in life we don’t always get what we want and that’s okay. We lose sight of our own dreams to chase someone else’s dreams. We forget to love ourselves the way we deserve to be loved. Or We choose to give up on the things we want the most, until one day we are forced to sit down and think about the life we want.

Procrastination is an addiction, man I tell you once you start procrastinating on one thing it happens all the time. Believe me I had my wake up call this week.

vodka punch with a view

  1. Learning to accept the feeling of fear – it is sometimes a good feeling and its ment to be there for a reason otherwise we wouldn’t have emotions. Now applying for a visa can be so tricky, hard and stressful or simply quick and easy. My best advise when applying by yourself is research, research and research some more until you have found everything that you could possibly need, and give the embassy what they want. Being rude and arrogant at the people who are processing your documents, wont get you anywhere either, wait your turn and don’t be bitchy when they request more documents from you. Girl you will get #denied, witnessed it just yesterday happening to a lady who thought she was the queen bee and was rude and cursing that would put a sailor to shame, well in the end they turned around and denied her entrance into the country. Its common sense though drop the ego and arrogance for your own good.
  2. Uh the subject of feelings is at number two – Learning to let go of someone who you can’t stop thinking about is hard, but holding onto nothing is harder. Sure we all meet someone at some point that we have undeniable chemistry with, and you two just click on some level even if it is “just friends”, but soon that fades to. Now for me, it was that person who was constantly in the back of my mind and only realized it at the last-minute that it was feelings. Denial is a crazy thing though and oh boy that ego is even bigger, from both sides. For a person like me, I had walls up protecting myself exactly against that,  (and so did that person) I was never looking for it at all but somehow the chemistry was just there. Either timing was not on my side or karma was turning whatever it may be, I came to a conclusion… I can’t lose what was never mine and I can’t keep what doesn’t want to stay. As hard as it is, I learned to accept the fact that we will always be just that and nothing more, due to circumstances and different levels and all the other bullshit that goes with it. It gets tiring at some point and you find yourself thinking of them less, making less effort and just continuing on with your life. It’s not a bad thing at all, it just starts to matter less and they will always remain apart of your life, and honestly you are truly happy for them. But just because you letting go of one person does not mean you have to run back to an old flame, nah uh. Its time to face the fact of life and love again, after all its the unexpected thing that change our lives… Don’t chase anyone who isn’t chasing you.
  3. Motivate your damn self the most (in my opinion) – Your big motivator in life is YOU. Sure you have friends and family and others supporting you and motivating and inspiring you. But it’s really YOU that make your final decisions, you choose your final answer, your final result and your success. You have to let go of the fake friends, the toxic relationships, cut ties with all the unnecessary bullshit that life is giving you and LIVE the way you want, we not on this earth forever so don’t waste your time doing what makes you unhappy. Everything in life is temporary including you, so why not be you ? Trust me you’re going to have haters either way but they are your biggest fans, watching you like there lives depend on you. I don’t know what to tell you about this, I guess thank them, I don’t know. Many times people have asked me why I am doing what I am, or why haven’t I done this or that… Well if I was living by the rules of thinking what society teaches you to think then I wouldn’t be the person I am today, and all of this is my own choices. I follow my own fate, creating my own destiny becoming my own powerful person, I honestly don’t need approval or validation on the choices I make in life. I live, I learn and respect my choices, the good and the bad. I choose to be happy and to see the world to live a life that one day I can look back on and be proud of, the scars, the memories, the desicions, the choices to the lives I hope to inspire and the lives that inspire me right down to creating my unique destiny. I will rise even if I fall down a million times and make myself proud and my parents prouder.

This quote sticks by me through times I needed to hear it the most and it always will.

“She believed she could so she did”

So after procrastinating for weeks about going for my visa, I finally decided to do it spontaneously, my stress levels were through the roof though and I questioned my sanity on more than one occasion, but I went and it was a walk in the park. All that stress and anxiety was a bit dramatic, because like I said before if you fill out everything correctly and give them what they want, its hassle free in the end…. and totally worth it all. I let go of the negative vibes I was giving myself and focused on what I wanted most in life, I also learned that things are what they are and letting go is important, because greater things are bound to happen, and that sometimes over reacting isn’t necessary, and owning up to your faults and saying sorry when you must, is a good feeling.

SO BABEs Go and continue to MAKE YOURSELF PROUD !!!! Be Happy and love life to the fullest.

me with a camera

Xoxo….CvT