Embrace the process. Honor the Journey.

There are times in life when you fall down, you keep getting up but you fall back down constantly and the struggles are real to get back up. But the fact that you get back up should be enough.

“Fall Down 7 times – Stand up 8.” – Japanese Proverb 

Change is NEVER easy. People can make it look easy, but we don’t know the struggles they face, we call them the BRAVE but deep down they chasing their hearts, their dreams their future with passion, tears, laughter, stress, fear, judgements, willingness and perseverance to create a future they crave and a life they love.

“Who you spend time with is who you become.”

We have goals, desires and so on. But what stops us from beginning that journey? one word, four letters: FEAR! We fear rejection, we fear change, we fear faith and many more things, we tend to give up before we even start. Time after time we hear the same bullshit excuses as to why we cannot accomplish our dreams, we become confined to our comfort zones but long for freedom.

We become volunteer victims to our own blind side, we get knocked down and that’s it, we fear getting back up.We throw our destiny into someone else hands and let them take control of our lives. We let them own us and control us, why ? because we are the ones who fear to stand back up. And I am not saying that it is not okay to quit or to give up at some point, because we all do it, but it is not okay to keep on quitting, to keep on giving up. NOPE, in order to succeed we need to learn the hard way, we need to realize that fear is an illusion, we need to remember that fear breaks us but also creates a beast, it makes you stronger and you might not realize it right away, but it does. The more we fall and stand up the stronger we become, the more we pursue our destiny and create a life we want, the more we start to enjoy the process. Yes, there will be tough times, sometimes more tough times than good times, and yes we will become fragile, we will lose hope and think why me? But the one question we should keep on asking ourselves:


Are we ready to let go of it all, and start again at some point from the start? Are we ready to give it all up? Just to start all over again….

Sometimes it happens, we tend to lose sight of our goals and go completely off course. I for one know how it feels to fail, to give up and to be lazy. I have been through the stage where I done it over and over again. I lost my motivation, I lost the meaning of the process, I rejected my journey and let myself fall into the path of destruction. I thought in life we needed to party constantly to have fun, my healthy lifestyle, ppphhhffftttt why keep it up? when I had already achieved half of my goal, my first blog I created, I gave up because I became lazy, pursuing my career… nope, I rather spent that money on partying and shopping. Until one day it hit me. Is this what I wanted to make of my one life? is this what I desired the most? Is this what I am ? My answer was NO and it changed me completly, I needed that alone time, that pressure from my self, that mirror talk, I needed me to realize what I was doing. I took “ME” time to process my life. The peer pressure, the negative vibes, the party animals, the thought of having all the time in the world … was my mind shift. I was killing time, wasting it on nothing. Becoming the person who I was not, cracking under pressure and falling into a confined bubble. Sure I can save all the money, I can party all I want, I can live a habit that wastes time but does it buy back the time? No, time is not recyclable and that changed everything. My mindset shifted. I knew this time round I was bound to create the life I want…. MY LIFE.


You have got to push yourself today, you have got to realize that at some point you need to set your mind set  for yourself, you need to become you in ways that you scare yourself and scare your haters even more, that you become the person who inspires you and other people. You need to push yourself, to fall in love with your progress, it is the key to your happiness and greatness, to honor your journey and most importantly to become the person you want to become. Stop bitching and whining about why you are stuck in the same place, when you are doing nothing about it, stop falling down and not getting back up, stop assuming challenges are too difficult and start achieving your goals. Get rid of the negative vibes, the bullshit excuses the extra weight as to why you cannot achieve your goals, get rid of the thought that only the rich will succeed or the perfect people will make it. Just say FUCK IT, and achieve your dreams, live the one life you are given to your custom.   DREAM IT, CREATE IT and LIVE IT. You will thank yourself oneday.



What will your legacy be?





An open letter to myself…it’s okay to grieve how you need to.

The thing about being you, is the different people you become every time you travel and move. People expect you to stay the same, they expect you to go back to promises you made when you were a different you, they want your time and constantly crave your attention. But you, you are different now, you let go of the girl you once were, it’s easy to fall in and out of many relationships and friendships, you see the world and people in different ways now….and you crave other people and places all the time, Home just isn’t home for you anymore.

You miss the other countries food, but you still love the potato salad and bubblegum milkshakes back home, you can’t seem to shake the feeling that this time next week you are eating different foods again. Its exciting and draining at the same time, thinking about the move again, you crossing my mind always as I prepare to leave again. It’s starting all over from scratch, the big new city, a different language all together, a new home, meeting new people and making new friends. It’s exhausting thinking about it even, but it’s what you pursued. It’s what you have been pursuing for a while now. You dread the long flights and layovers but you won’t be alone just yet, so that still gives you a sense of peace, I mean when was the last time you spent “time alone”? You can’t even remember.

The first few weeks of being back home were a blur, two years later and I still blamed myself for not coming home to your funeral and spending three weeks at home only, after being away for so long. I know you told me to chase my dreams and follow my heart, but you were my everything. I remember getting the phone call that afternoon, I could sense something was wrong the entire day, I knew you had let go the good fight and you went home. I was emotionless, I cried but I was angry, angry at you for leaving me so soon, angry at myself for leaving too. It was so hard to accept it, I didn’t want it to be true, especially being thousands of miles away again. I remember the things you taught me, the life lessons you showed me, the paths to follow that showed me how to be a better person. And although you were tough (the real German) tough, you made me the strong independent woman I am today. You are still my biggest inspiration and pillar of strength. When asked about who the biggest role model in my life is? It’s still you Gran and it will always be you. You might have been disappointed in me for grieving like I did, but it was so hard to come to terms with, I was in denial and the only thing that numbed the pain was the alcohol. I didn’t care anymore, it changed me as a person again. I became tougher, I didn’t care who I hurt or who I was hurting in the process. I rebelled with a cause, I looked for comfort in all the wrong things, I became a party animal, I loved all the wrong things. When I realized what I was doing, I learned to accept the facts of it’s going to be extremely hard to lose someone you love when you’re thousands of miles away, you are going to grieve in ways that you need to, whether it’s asking God a million questions, screaming in an open field, finding comfort in things that are crazy or picking yourself up from the bathroom floor at 3am.

However you decide to grieve, you do it, don’t let others tell you what to think or how to react you need to find the strength on your own again. It got easier for me after I got your tattoo 2 years later, I remember the times you told me to always be me, and to never give up on my dreams and goals. I remember I made you proud no matter what stupid shit I got up to and I remember that even though you not with me in person you are always close to me. I couldn’t have thanked the people enough that were around for me at that time , they were like stars sent from above. I shut the world out, but one person crept under those walls, they will always have a special place in my heart till the end, I became reckless and didn’t care what I was doing. I needed the time to heal and I have, I am at peace with it now, I let go of the negative bullshit and started focusing on me and the positive vibes.

I accept that there are so many things in life beyond your control, take the time you need to grieve, and learn to forgive…. it lifts a huge weight off of your shoulders. Don’t care what other people think of you, its their opinion and theirs alone, and don’t let someone hold you back, ever. Go out there and create a life that you dream of, and remember some days it is okay to give up and give in, but don’t make it a regular thing.